Was up all night again. Finally fell to sleep late this morning. Woke up a couple of times to look around. I think I might developing a bit of paranoia. I managed to sleep a good portion of the day, been up for about five hours. My question now is, am I unable to sleep at night because something is bothering me or is it that I am getting enough sleep during the day?
I did manage to talk to Tanya for like five hours this morning. Funny thing, I am still surprised, we actually talk… sincerely and honestly. She is becoming a good friend. Helping me think about things. Who would have thought, huh?
I am mostly quiet during the day though. I am sure one of my friends is going to read this and wonder why it is that I haven’t been talking to them much. Short answer… I am worn out and have a lot more thoughts running through my head during my waking hours. Long answer, and some might not agree… I know you care and ask how I am doing because you are concerned but some of the time you don’t hear or understand my replies and it’s frustrating for me.
That and you guys are asleep when things are just beginning to slow down in my head. Once upon a time, I mentioned the noise. It’s back and I hear it all the time.
Sometimes the noise is so loud about tomorrow, I forget what I have to do today. The quieter it is outside the louder the noise is inside.
The cries of my failures. The cheers of triumphs past. My fears howl in the night. Where, why, when? All I know is the who, it’s me. Isn’t it?
I do want to escape. I do want to silence it. How? The noise, it’s calling me to bed now.
This time the noise seems so loud that nothing helps me to shut it out.
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