The Talk « I Don’t Know

The Talk

Today, I was asked by Digi if how did I have the talk with my son. I replied I haven’t! Surprised, You haven’t? I thought you would have jumped at the chance to have the talk with him.

The truth is I don’t know how to approach the subject with him. Sometimes talking to him is like talking to a sixteen or seventeen year old but he is just twelve. I know the talk is long overdue. By the time I was twelve, I had already been having sex for a little while.

I know he has little crushes. I know he is comfortable around girls, like I was. Hell, he is Minimee. He even likes to smell good and stay clean like I did. It’s like looking into the mirror and seeing me twenty years ago.

I have had similar talks with him. I had to have a discussion about respecting women and chivalry — you know holding open doors, giving up your seat and just being a gentleman. The opening was there though. I had to check him for telling a cousin you need to get laid because your attitude stinks. I though it was funny but I thought it was also highly disrespectful to her as a young lady.

On the other hand, I have to reinforce that conversation and those few lessons because his mother isn’t the best example of a woman. I don’t think so and I know he doesn’t either, whether that is because he senses it from me or just because he sees the type of women I am looking at and talk to.

I know I can’t leave it up to my little brother who is just doing his thing. Once he starts down that path, there is no turning back. Not saying I don’t approve of a young man sowing his oats but there is still a certain etiquette that should be followed. If you going to be man enough to do it, have enough respect for yourself and the other person to be honest about it, take responsibility for your actions and be prepared to own up to the consequences of those actions.

I mean how do I begin? Let’s talk about sex? How about, what do you know about the birds and bees? Or should I just get at him straight? I have to have this talk with you and I know I am the father but I really don’t know how to go about it. I can’t go at him girls are bad!

What do you think? How would you approach it? Have you had the talk with your child yet? How do you think you did?

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Tags: fatherhood, parents, sex

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 28th, 2008 at 9:30 pm and is filed under Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

simone

I say just be straight with him since you say he's already mature enough to handle it. so just come out with it.

Romney

Since I don't have kids I'm not too sure. But I think that if I was a kid I'd just want to know. I never had "the talk" I knew & then I had sex ED so I really knew. I think you should just sit him down and tell him. I'm sure there's no comfortable way to talk to him about it but you know it's something that needs to be done. You rather him hear it from you than someone else or see it somewhere else and act on it! You're a smart guy you'll know when you're ready to sit him down. Good luck!!

simplyRik

I wold definitely go straight with it. I think he will respect you dealing with him like the young man he is. He will only admire your courage.

simplyRiks last blog post..Fingers crossed for an assassination?

Sels

Oh my... I say just go and tell it to him straight. I'm not looking forward to the day I have to do the same with mine but it has to be done. Just know that he'll appreciate you coming to him and having that discussion even if he doesn't say so. In my experience kids can handle a lot more than we give them credit to. It'll probably be awkward but you two will benefit from having that convo. Be blessed.

Vera

I wanted to have 'the talk' with my niece when she was around 14 or 15. That may seem late to you, but she was still complaining that she had never had a boyfriend and couldn't even get the guys to look at her. An upcoming episode of Dateline was airing that addressed teens and sex so I told her that we had a date to watch a show together and for her to clear her calendar. I was nervous and I knew she would be uncomfortable, so I did not have her come over to my apartment. When it was time for the episode to come on, I just called her up and we stayed on the phone together. She was a little annoyed because she was embarrassed but I knew it was important.

They talked about girls at school giving oral in the bathroom and first times and frequency and other things I would not have thought of. You can probably go to their web site and find it online. After it was over, we discussed respecting yourself and a few other things. Turned out she had already had 'the talk' with her mother, but some of this stuff had never been discussed with her. I asked her if she was sexually active or even thinking of it. The whole thing was difficult for me, but I patted myself on the back for finding a clever entry point. When she did become sexually active in college, her behavior changed so much that I felt it and knew what was going on with her. Turns out that I was the only one who knew what was going on and she was so grateful to have a mature adult to talk with about everything.

Keeping the communication flowing, even after the initial talk, is important. It was hard at first, but I am so glad that I did it. Another thing you could do is write all your questions on paper and have one copy for you and one for him, if yo want. That way, you don't skip anything because of nerves. You could also have a more open precocious cousin of his in on the conversation. Since you are not their parent, they may be more open and get the ball rolling by saying things your son may not want to say at first. Often kids want to talk with an adult about this stuff, but they don't know who would be cool enough to talk with. But once the conversation starts, it is easier to keep it going. Also, don't forget that the first talk is just that; the first one. Keep the talks going every couple of months. He's going to need guidance because real relationships bring on a whole new set of emotions and experimentation and he will need to talk with you more than ever.

By the way, I found this site because you are a member of 43things. Whatever happened with your job situation? I think I told you about trying the fashion industry. Let me know because I hope things went well for you. My profile is VeeShay on 43things.