In my last post, Minimee’s First Account, I mentioned my son and I had a conversation about not taking his older sister out with us anymore. He had been asking me off and on for about two years. It wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have with him at all. I probably should have told him to ask the other side of his family, but I know he wouldn’t have been given straight answers.
I finally had to tell him that the reason I have not been inviting her out with and distancing myself from her for the last couple of years is because his grandmother told me to stay away from her and that the girls were not to hang out with me anymore.
All of this came as a result of all the secrecy and stupidity behind my son mother’s relationship with my cousin. I am sure most can understand how I felt about that situation. It wasn’t about me. I told her then her bottom could drop out and I wouldn’t care.
It made my son uncomfortable on many levels. He wasn’t the only one though. The girls weren’t happy with the situation either. They confided this in me. Their mother completely abandoned them for him.
What other choice did I have? Should I have just let it go? Should I have been talking about her behind her back? I thought the best thing to do was to talk to her about it. Like everything else, she took it as an attack. She went campaigning against me. Telling everyone that I am going around talking about her and bashing her and so on. Aside from venting to my friends or in these lines, I have nothing to say about her… good or bad, not to my son or her friends.
My dealings with her came to an end when I finally told that I was tired. Tired of bailing her out. Tired of trying to protect a family that isn’t mine to defend. Tired of trying to do good and being made out to be the bad guy. I don’t want to hear about you being depressed, don’t ask me for money, I don’t care.
After the conversation and making sure he got in alright, I tried to do the right, responsible thing. So I called her to warn her that he may have questions or he may be upset with her. It also occurred to me that she might not have been privy to the conversation I had with her mother. I didn’t want her to be caught off guard and I didn’t want the information that I passed along to him to get confused.
The first thing that came out of her mouth was Why didn’t you come in?
Followed by I wanted to ask you if you had any money.
I answered I didn’t want to
and no,
respectively. I went on to tell her what I told him which led to a deeper conversation about why she and I don’t talk or more specifically why I don’t talk to her. I don’t call her for her birthday or for holidays. I just don’t desire that sort of relationship with her anymore. I mean I tried. I tried for the three years before he was conceived and the thirteen afterwards. I have been a part of her daughter’s life for sixteen years. As hard as it is for me to walk away, I feel it’s for the best.
During the conversation, her cheating on me the whole time we were together came up because she is convinced that I was cheating too. I have never cheated on anyone. She bought up people she knew were interested in me in the past, but really what does that have to do with me. What does it have to do with you not being able to keep your legs closed or as my grandmother would say possessing light feet.
She wanted to talk about her friend Lisa, who is also her daughter’s aunt (?) at the time used to follow me around like a puppy and who I used to talk on the phone about her daughter who has the hugest beautiful brown eyes. I wasn’t with her. This was in ‘03 or 04, she and I weren’t together. She heard a voicemail and got upset. The voicemail was all about the little girl. I wasn’t even interested in Lisa then. She looked like a crack head. Now she could get it though, but I don’t talk to her anymore. Her reaction was stupid. She lied about the call. She said she didn’t even know how I got her number. Funny thing is, she was one of the friends telling me how urgent it was for me to get my son away from her because of the things she witnessed.
I am hoping the conversation made things clear to her and she knows exactly how things are between us. I don’t want to know about her or her baby or anything else outside of Deon. If the girls need anything, they know how to ask. I will not turn my back on them. I will not however be as active in their lives as I once was.
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