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I’m a Flirt!

This will be my first true cross post.

I just got me a new one torn. Admittedly, I was wrong. I didn’t realize how out of hand things had gotten. At one point, I didn’t thing I was being taken seriously, now I know different. Problem is, I may have lost two of the best females I have ever met. Like I just told them in a conversation I had with the both of them… I am sorry.

I flirt. I flirt a lot. A lot of the time I don’t even know that I am doing it. Recently, I have realized that I have been flirting too much. If I have flirted with you, especially recently, I hope you understood that it was just flirting and meant to be harmless.

With the two ladies, it was different. I am not going to get into names or specifics. This is not to protect myself, but I think I have done them both enough of a disservice. I am sincerely sorry. They brought to my attention that I had been telling them both much of the same things. I can’t say I am sorry enough. I am especially sorry if I have hurt anyone.

I have a tightness in my chest. I realize my fault. I wish there was someway to correct the situation but there isn’t. Whatever happens I supposed I deserve what I get.

I have destroyed a confidence. I took for granted who I am and what effect I could have on other people. I try to tell everyone to read in context, but I guess I can’t fault you for not knowing what’s going on in my head.

There are no excuses. I wanted to make it right when I realized what was happening, but I realized I was weak. I have been more lonely recently and almost desperate. Someone often jokes that I am soft. The words she uses to describe me escapes me at the moment. The gist is that I am emotional and feminine, sometimes.

I have been lonely and sort of crying out for attention and accepting it where I could get it. In the midst of it all I have become something I am not and there is no excuse. You know the argument was made if I am going to do it, why do it where people are and interact with each other and the truth is that I never took it that serious. This time it was serious and I tried to stop it before it was too late but it was already out of my control. Now I am feeling stupid. I say again, I deserve it and probably a lot more. I may have gotten off easy. I don’t think it’s over though.

I was torn. Torn between someone who gave me all of the attention I wanted and needed and someone who seemed to want all the same things I wanted. When one wasn’t there, the other was and I just went with it. It wasn’t fair to either of them. I realize that. I seriously fucked up.

I apologize to you all for not being who you thought me to be.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 15th, 2008 at 3:27 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Viewing 3 Comments

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    You are exactly who I thought you were.

    Janelles last blog post..Anton Ziegler
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    Hey, hey, hey there, cowboy! You have recognized what you did and admitted it for all the world to see. Believe it or not, most of us have done the same at some point or another. Attention is a heady thing, especially when it is coming from someone you are drawn to. When two someones pop up at the same time, that is pretty intoxicating so we keep flirting to see what will happen, not necessarily realizing that we are flirting with danger. Someone can get hurt when they take someone serious while they are still in flirt mode. So now you know. You will be wiser next time and more cautious. You will be ok. After you have apologized to them, the next best thing you can do is to forgive yourself -- forgive but don't forget the lesson you have learned. Whatever happens, it will be ok.
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    It is always a good thing, good/bad/indifferent, when a man is confident enough in himself to search his soul and understand who he is as a person. The fact that you, like I, know you are a flirt is a good thing. In this case, things went too far. This might not be because you are a flirt, but to me sounds more like a breakdown in communication.

    An understanding of the playing field before entering. Most times, we never open up enough and share who we really are. We are always trying to be what that other person wants us to be. We enjoy the others company and don't want to lose that. IN doing so we paint an inaccurate image of who we really are. Time passes and maybe, just maybe misunderstandings develop.

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