I have just had so much to say to you… Things I have wanted to say forever, but couldn’t… I know so many things have taken place between us, so many things I wish I could take back…
Maybe I should just say it before you put this down…
I love you! I love you and I am sorry for all of my mistakes, mistakes I have made concerning you… us. Isn’t that how it all started though? I mean, there was never any you and I but we knew there was meant to an us.
Considering how this all started… The circumstances under which we met… They weren’t ideal. Still I could not contain my excitement.
I mean… I am not even sure I want you to know how deeply I feel what I am about to say… I don’t want it to change anything. You have since moved on, are happy and that means everything to me. Still, I do love you. I don’t know exactly when it happened or how, but it just hit me so hard then… didn’t know how or what to do… I did tell you then, but given everything that had happen… Well, you know… We are where we are now…
When I realized how deeply I was feeling you, nothing else mattered… I just wanted… desired… needed to be with you… I still do… need you, I mean. I need the friend that would have come with my lover, my girl, my… everything I had hoped you’d become to me. She was of peripheral concern.
Well not really, she was my friend. I guess I did know she had feelings for me. I wanted you. I just did not want to hurt her. I ended up hurting the both of you. If I could go back, there is so much I would do differently.
I knew then I wasn’t good enough for you, I know now… I may never be good enough for you… even though you have made me better, I am nothing without you.
You probably would have laughed if you could see me shut down, listening to all the songs of the broken hearts that had the strength to say all the things I couldn’t before me… All the tears I shed… the social coma… the silence… LOL thinking back, I am sick of myself.
See… I am not going to go into what led to my fucked up thought processes then, I don’t want to name anyone… Interestingly enough, things just wasn’t as they were said to be… I should have just been like fuck everyone, but funny thing… You are the only one left… I am talking to you, you to me… one reason or other… everyone else is gone! Shedding them and keeping you was well worth it.
I have been carrying this inside me for a long time, sometimes fighting it, always losing to the way I feel. I have been having dreams… Seeing you in my most perfect dream moments.
Maybe, I have said too much, but I just wanted you to know.
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Tags: love