Apparently and unfortunately. I just broke down over an infuser. The little infuser, already in the trash, was a birthday gift. It had sentimental value. I cried because I broke it.
I guess the water works were bound to come… After all it has been more than a year since my grandmother died and I am yet to allow myself to fully mourn. I was told two days ago, that I have changed since she passed away. I don’t doubt this is true.
It wasn’t so much about the infuser. It was about it’s emotional weight in my life. Everything I love, I lose or let go.
Today, I have someone in my life. Let’s say, I don’t want to discuss how I feel about her now. She does mean significantly more to me than anyone has in more than eight years. I am afraid she is going to be gone from my life too.
The friend that bought me the infuser was once one of the closest people to me. She told me that her life was better without me a week before my birthday of this year. The infuser was on it’s way. She reminded me, that I don’t always have a choice on whether or not someone stays in my life. I’ve always known this.
When all is said and done, will I be able to keep that special person in my life? Will my heart go cold again?
This is not how I wanted my first post to after such a long hiatus. I need to come back regularly. I need the therapy. There is so much going on. I feel the pressure… The pipes are ready to burst.